Vague Memories
by Jadis vi Britannia
Summary: AxL The memories came back to haunt us... bringing us closer together... Athrun visits Lacus, during winter. During the week long solitude, memories and feelings start to resurface once again.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Stay with me

**Author's notes**: Everybody, this is my second fic, one's still not finished… Well anyway, this is an Athrun and Lacus fic, which means Kira is not paired with Lacus, and Cagalli is not paired with Athrun. If you do not like this pairing, you press that BACK button above, yeah, on your left and press it. If you aren't insecure and though you like a canon pairing, but still want to read this, then continue. If you're an AxL fan, then great! Continue reading! Happy reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED, because if I owned it, Lacus will be paired with Athrun and Kira and Cagalli will just be twins, nothing more, and nothing less. So that obviously did not happen in the series so, (obviously,) I do not own Gundam SEED/Destiny.

* * *

Winter. Lacus Clyne both hated and loved the cold. Hated it, because it was during these opportune moments that time seems to stand still, that with every snowflake falling from the sky, she remembers her parents tragic death.

'_Mother, father, forgive me…' _she thought sadly, a lone tear running down her cheek.

It was during these moments that she felt numb, despite the warmth that enveloped and lit the room with a bright red glow. She felt lonely…there was no one to talk to… not even her precious haro… she needed the warmth of somebody by her side…loving and caring…

She loved winter because with every snowflake falling from heaven, she can hear her father's voice, whispering softly, mingling with the wind. With every winter she remembers the times she made snow angels, played snowball fights and erected snowmen with her father alive and well, her mother taking pictures, storing precious memories in the little electronic device. No, she hadn't done that in years…not when her family was dead, leaving her all alone… and not without HIM…

Suddenly the doorbell rang, its sound vibrating throughout the mansion. Lacus sat up, visibly surprised, as she heard barely audible voices echoing from the living room.

"Lacus…?" A voice said, so warm and welcoming, in contrast to the weather, as the butler replied, "In her quarters, Master Zala."

Lacus relaxed, coming closer to the warmth of the fire. She hugged herself, humming to the tune of her own song. With every tune she heard footsteps, faint at first, then louder as it came closer.

_Shizukana kono Yoruni_

_Anata wo matteruno_

_Ano toki wasureta_

_Hohoemi wo tori ni kite_

_Are kara sukoshi dake_

_Jikan ga sugite_

_Omoide ga yasashiku nattane… _

She heard shifting, but made no move on hearing those sounds. Suddenly, a voice whispered softly, so low but heard clearly in the silent room. "Lacus?"

Lacus faced the visitor, her warm blue eyes looking, smiling, her mouth curving upwards, giving a small smile then a few words. "Yes, Athrun?"

Her visitor raised a hand, then bringing it down her back, rubbed softly, back and forth, back and forth, sending currents of heat throughout her body. He said gently, "Are you alright? Mika said you haven't move an inch…"

"I'm fine Athrun…" She quickly replied, facing the fire again, the coals reflecting in them. Athrun opened his mouth to speak again, but Lacus continued, "I'm glad you visited. Mr. Pink has been calling your name these last few days… and so am I. I missed you."

Athrun held out his hand that has been caressing her back, and brought it to her face, connecting his eyes with hers. "I missed you too." He replied, embracing her. Though surprised, she returned the hug wholeheartedly, saying, "Thank you for not leaving me alone…"

"I wouldn't leave you alone." Athrun comforted her, as he felt tears running down her face, making his clothes damp with tears. He untangled himself from her, and using his hands, made her lie down on his lap. Lacus moaned softly, getting comfortable, Athrun's warmth coursing from his body to hers, as he touched her hair, caressing it gently. Lacus moved herself to make her more comfortable and slowly closed her eyes and drifted slowly to sleep. Athrun chuckled gently, and with amazing strength, carried her to her bed, covering her small body with her blanket. He moved to the door, getting ready to open it, ready to change in his own quarters when Lacus's voice rang out softly.

"Athrun, don't go…" Lacus whispered, sitting up. "Stay with me."

Athrun faced her, smiling gently as he nodded, acknowledging her request. He moved closer to her, then sat at the edge of her bed.

"Why Lacus?" he said, as he stroked her hair gently.

"I don't want to be alone anymore…" she said, tears flowing from her eyes once again.

"Shhh…Lacus, it's okay… you are not alone, and you will never be…" He comforted her. "What about Kira?"

"Kira? He said he's not yet ready for me… he still felt bad about that redhead girl… what was her name again? Oh yeah, it was Fllay…" she replied as she smiled, albeit forcibly. "What about Cagalli?" she echoed.

"The princess? Oh, she's still in Orb… she doesn't want to have a relationship… well not yet, she said."

Lacus forced out a laugh. "Then were both rejected idiots."

"No, you are not, Lacus. Kira just doesn't see what he is letting go carelessly that was given to him freely." He said, cupping her face to take a good look at her, and offered an encouraging smile. Lacus smiled back, wiping her tears.

"Go back to sleep, my angel. Sweet dreams…" He finally said with a sigh, covering her with her bed sheets. He turned away but a hand held him back, gently but firmly. "I will have a good night if you'll stay here." She promptly said, not letting go.

Athrun laughed quietly, surprised at Lacus's actions. "I will stay here for more than a week in the mansion, Lacus. You can't have missed me that much, could you?"

"I mean, stay here with me, in my room. You can sleep here."

"Huh? Why?" he asked uncertainly, dumbfounded.

"I just want you too."

Athrun chuckled. Really, Lacus was turning out to be a bit like Cagalli herself! Now he wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad sign…

"Alright Lacus. But can you let me change? My shirt is wet, be cause of your tears…" he said softly, pointing to a damp spot on his shoulder.

Lacus laughed softly, nodding as she let her fiancée go

A few minutes later, Athrun went back in Lacus's quarters, only to see her dancing gracefully, twirling round and round. He watched, transfixed, at her graceful movements as she sang with the song playing.

Lacus dipped her head and waist as she felt a hand supporting her back. She smiled again, and with Athrun, danced the night away.

A few hours later, the music stopped and Lacus drifted out to her terrace, and gazed up at the stars.

"The stars are always visible, aren't they? Even in the snow, their beauty can still be seen. They are the guide towards the light… towards the fields of hope."

_Itsuka midori no asa ni_

_Itsuka tadoritsukeru to_

_Fuyugareta kono sora wo_

_Shinjiteiru kara_

_Fields of hope…_

Athrun glanced at Lacus, whose eyes were closed. He glanced at the stars, and saw them twinkling, so vibrant in the darkness, so bright against the shadows. It gave him hope to what he must do.

"Lacus, something is bothering you… I can tell. Now, tell me what's wrong." He forced Lacus to look at him, who turned his head away.

"Nothing's wrong." She forced a smile.

"Yes, there is." Athrun said, more forcefully this time.

"It's just so hard! I'm alone now! My parents left me! I lost them! Now, I almost lost you!" Lacus cried out, voice trembling.

"Lost…me? Lacus, you never lost me! I'm still here for you! You know that!" Athrun replied.

"You don't understand! Nobody understands!" She said, running out of her room, tears finally giving in. Athrun saw the last vestiges of her tears as she rushed out, roughly pushing him aside and slammed the door shut.

Athrun watched the smoldering embers die slowly, leaving the room to a brink of darkness. He had yet to see Lacus, because he thought she might have wanted some time and space to sort out her thoughts. Besides, he has some things to ponder as well that can't wait anymore.

'_What had Lacus meant by that, anyway? Is it really the truth that Kira is not ready yet? Maybe something bad happened. A fight perhaps? Wait, I'm not supposed to meddle in these things.'_ Athrun shook his head.

He wondered what he wanted. What he wished for. Sure, he wanted peace. But what was supposed to happen after the war? He wasn't sure what to think anymore. He wanted something, something out of his reach… he wanted some…body. But who?

He heard the door shut softly as a slim shadow moved across the room. He glanced back, and realized, suddenly…_I wanted her all along. Her face, her smile, her laugh, her calmness, her voice, her indulgence. He wanted her, after all those years he had let go… all those years he shrugged his engagement to her… he had let go… he didn't accept her love that was so freely given to him before.._

"Athrun… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run out." Lacus said softly, her head down, her face downcast, seen by the pale eerie shadows casting upon her face from the light of the moon.

"Lacus…" Athrun pulled her face up and forced her to gaze at him. "Tell me what is wrong. Now."

"Why is it so hard to understand? I miss father and mother… they should have brought me with them… that way I wouldn't have to suffer alone…" Lacus whispered.

"Lacus…" Athrun said.

"I've always been alone… no one was there for me… until you. You helped me renew hope and strength, you gave me determination to live my life to the fullest." Lacus continued. "I was happy then… because you were there for me to cheer me up, to make me laugh… you weren't afraid of what you were going to say… it always came from your heart."

"But then your mother died and with her she took your happiness, half of your soul. You became different, angry and upset. You were afraid to show any other emotion other than anger. You'd always snap at me, make excuses why you couldn't stay… and then I understood. You don't want to be with me anymore." Lacus said, voice stronger.

"All the hopes I had for a good life with you vanished. My hope and strength vanished as well… But then I met Kira. Kira was good to me, and he showed to his emotions, the emotions you were afraid to show. He was different, but he reminded me of you…

"He was kind, like you before… and soon I began to like him. At least he hasn't changed. You then met Cagalli, and I saw that you liked her… more than me. Days after, our engagement was broken. I was deeply sad, upset and broken… but I knew I had to be strong… even for myself. You got angry at me, remember? Asked me why I gave the Freedom to Kira. Accused me of betraying the PLANTS. But I wanted you to go back the way you were before… so I had to enlighten you, ask you what you were fighting for. But my actions done before that was a grave but a good mistake. It led me away from you, whom I had loved… but it ended the war. I was distanced from you, but it gave me a chance to be with Kira. But then Kira, isn't ready for me yet… he still loved that girl Fllay… and I was different from her… but he cared about me… I knew that… but I had to leave him… I don't have to stay at a relationship that I don't have hope for, couldn't I?" Lacus gave a bitter laugh. " And I was alone again… but I wished you were back with me, because I know you changed. But you have Cagalli, and I don't have the right to interfere on your relationship… I can see that you were getting along well."

"Lacus…" Athrun said who had been keeping quiet the whole time. He felt a lone tear fell on his cheek, and said. "I'm sorry… I never apologized to you before. I am very sorry. I never knew that affected you very well. You were deeply loved, worshiped and adore… who was I but another face in the crowd. You were so happy…"

"But I was happy too. You were kind, nice and good. But I was insecure…. I was not worthy of you… I had always thought I never deserved you." Athrun continued. "But I know I was wrong now. You were right. I should have listened to you. We could have been together, we could have been happy. Sufferings wouldn't be so painful, sacrificed wouldn't have been so hard…"

"A lot of things wouldn't have happened." Lacus said, her voice wavering, tears still falling down her face. Her tears fell like rose petals, falling like the snow as t fell on the ground. Snow was very fragile, just like Lacus. He didn't know how hurt she was… how alone and left out she felt… "I lost you once Athrun... I didn't know I could lose you twice to somebody else."

"But we could still be together." Athrun said, grasping Lacus's hands. "It's not too late for a fresh start."

"No! We'd be betraying our friends! Our lovers! Cagalli may be waiting for you… Kira needs my help. We couldn't be together."

Lacus said, freeing her hands from Athrun's grasp. "You made a promise to Cagalli, that you'll always protect her. I made a promise to Kira that I'll always be there for him, I'll always wait."

Athrun sighed. "But I made a promise to you as well Lacus.. did you forget? I promised I'll always protect you." Athrun said softly, and closing the door to her room, he let a lone tear fall from his cheek.

Lacus sighed, sitting up. She had been crying for hours, and finally tried to get some sleep, but to no avail. She hears it, over and over again, whispering into her ears...the memories of long ago.

_Flashback_

"_Hi! I'm Athrun… and I'm your, uh, fiancée." A little Athrun said, about 10 years of age._

"_Hello Athrun! I'm Lacus! I'm your fiancée too!" A smiling Lacus replied, hugging him suddenly. He returned the hug, albeit hesitantly._

"_Now that you'll be spending lots of time together, you should get to know each other." Patrick Zala suggested, smiling at Lacus who laughed happily. "Come here Athrun! I'm going to show you my favorite flowers!" _

'_We were happier then.' _Lacus thought_. 'I never had to worry about making appearances, we had fun being ourselves. But the war-'_

_Flashback_

"_He's just being used by the naturals, Lacus! I have to get him here!" Athrun snapped at Lacus._

"_Athrun please, he said he had to protect his friends-" Lacus was interrupted._

"_Friends? He calls those naturals friends? What about me? Am I not his friend anymore?" Athrun snapped again._

"_Athrun.. please understand…" Lacus said, holding his face softly. Athrun pulled his face away, and walked toward the door. _

"_Please understand Lacus. You can't fight the war by laughing joyfully. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some unfinished business to do." Athrun said angrily._

'_The war. It's all the war's fault! They never made anyone happy. They destroyed lives! They changed people! They changed you, Athrun.' You were not the person I loved anymore.' _Lacus thoughttears falling againShe never thought she'd shed another tear this night. Sighing, she sat up, and felt the coldness of marble on her feet. The room was cold, the fire just smoldered, not shedding any light anymore.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she almost let out a laugh, but the laughter died out. She looked like a monster. Her eyes were red and puffy, her clothes disarranged form her body. Her hair was a mess. Grimacing at herself, she took a cold bath. Feeling quite herself again, she went back to sleep, finally succumbing to the coldness of the room.

Athrun sat on the balcony outside his quarters. He felt snow on his feet, face as well as arms. But he didn't mind them though. He had to sort out his thoughts, set out his priorities straight.

'_What had I done wrong?_' He thought. _'I wished life would have stayed the same, before the war.'_

_The memories… of us when we're still together._

_The loss… when you told me you like him._

_The pain… that I had to kill him._

_Your betrayal… when you turned against your own kind._

_The death… a path I have chose to walk to._

_But even in the final moments of my life… your face still haunts me…_

_And at that very moment, I could only ask fate, why?_

_Why won't your face leave my heart?_

_Why can't I forget you?_

_Why… do I still love you?_

'_Lacus... why?'_

_Flashback _

"_What are you fighting for, Athrun? For the medals you're awarded? For your father's orders?" Lacus asked._

"_Why have you betrayed ZAFT? Why have you turned your back against us?" Athrun asked._

"_I wanted peace Athrun. I wanted Kira to end the war. You were incapable of doing that yourself." Lacus said. And softly, that her words were inaudible, "I don't want you to die."_

'_I'm sorry Lacus. Sorry for being so wrong.' _Athrun thought. Sighing, he went back inside his room, siting near the fireplace, watching the fire dance and welcomed the heat flowing into his body. Staying there for several hours, he felt his eyes feel droopy and finally felt his eyes close, making way for his dreams.

* * *

well hello! I decided to cut this into chapters, coz it will be so long if this will be a oneshot, as I originally intended. well, is it okay?

well,I nedd your opinins so just press that little button under here.

here..

here...

okay? thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny. (Unfortunately.)**

**A/N: **I hope you liked the first chapter… now here is the second chapter. The same warnings apply. If you don't like this pairing, I suggest you don't read. If you are a canon pairing but still want to read it, go ahead, I'm not stopping you.

There's a tribute to my most favorite PS2 game of all time: Tekken! I can't remember any other game to play, so just hang on, okay?

I don't have any good ideas for this in between story, and I decided to separate their days more. I plan to show what they do everyday this week. Please forgive me for the short chapter and a bad one, I might add. I'm sorry!

Please review!

* * *

Chapter 2

Silence filled the room. Athrun kept his eyes averted, and Lacus did that as well. Only the sounds of china connecting with each other filled the room. The servants sensed the tension and kept quiet, wordlessly putting food on the table. The distinguished butler opted to stay quiet as well, staying near the two occupants. They sat on opposite sides of the table, but the seating arrangements were of no use. His mistress and master were preoccupied with something else, currently staring at some other place besides the person opposite them.

He had heard commotions last night, but try as he might, just heard the inaudible voices of Lacus and her ex-fiancée. He just let it go but was startled to hear a slam on her mistress's door and saw a crying Lacus ran out from room. The kind butler wanted to ask her, but felt it was none of his business, and waited for any other sound. It was about three hours after he heard footsteps and thought it was his mistress. Voices again, and cries were heard, until at last, he heard the door close softly and footsteps. He presumed it was Master Zala.

And now this morning… silence. What had happened last night was beyond him, but felt a little curious why they acted peculiar this day. Had a fight ensued? Did something happen? It was not known.

After breakfast, the occupants of the room hurried in opposite directions and again, neither spoke a word. Athrun stole a glance at Lacus who was walking away and sighed, closing the door. When Athrun was gone she turned around and glanced at the door which was just open moments before. Sighing heavily, (she seemed to do that quite a lot now) she closed the door and went to the terrace.

Athrun came to the terrace an hour after, doing whatever thing he did during the past time. He sat across Lacus, (as usual) and stared at the nice view around him. A moment later, he said, "Nice view, isn't it?" trying to strike up a conversation.

"Yes, I know." Lacus replied, drinking her tea.

"The weather is nice now." Athrun cringed at the lame ways he had to take. Before they could talk about other more important things, but now he was just resolved to talking about the weather.

"Snow is beautiful." Lacus said shortly. Athrun opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off when the butler came and asked, "Tea, Master Zala?"

"No thank you."

"Tea would be splendid, Jenkins. Please bring him a cup of tea." Lacus said and smiled affectionately to her butler.

"Right away, my mistress." The butler replied.

"Jenkins! I told you, no such formalities! Lacus will be fine." Lacus said.

"Right away, uh, Lacus." Jenkins said as he hurried inside.

Athrun was silent as the conversation was going on. Now, silence filled the place as the two teenagers did not dare break it apart. Minutes later, Jenkins came and brought tea. When he saw them, he frowned. _There they go again! They just kept quiet! Poor mistress and master. They should talk._ He thought sadly.

A few moments passed as the butler went away. The cry of birds supplied the sounds that were otherwise missing. Suddenly, Athrun said, "Lacus, this is hopeless! We can't just hang around and do nothing! I can't tolerate this!"

"Neither can I. But I don't have any other choice, do I?" Lacus said softly, getting out of her chair and moved towards the door to go inside.

"Yes you do have a choice, Lacus. You can't just ignore me!" Athrun said, gently holding her arm firmly, not letting her go.

Lacus stared at Athrun's hand on her arm and said, "Let me go, Athrun."

"Not unless you talk to me."

"I am talking to you."

"Don't ignore me."

"I'm not ignoring you."

"Lacus, please. We have to talk this over."

"What do we have to talk over? Everything is fine." Lacus smiled forcibly.

"I'm fine if you say we'll just be friends." Athrun said, letting go.

"Really?" Lacus turned around.

"Yes." _Unfortunately._

Lacus smiled and hugged Athrun.

"Thank you."

Athrun glanced at her, puzzled. "For what?"

"Thank you for understanding."

Lacus laughed as they ate dinner. They had long gone went inside, since it was beginning to get dark and snow fell more heavily than usual. Athrun was very happy to hear Lacus's laughs once again. It had been long gone, disappeared as the war began.

"Athrun are you alright?" Lacus asked as her laughter died down.

"Never been happier." Athrun replied, smiling as he gulped down the food.

"Huh?"

"I finally saw that you're happy again." Athrun replied. "You look more beautiful when you're happy."

Athrun laughed as Lacus blushed, hearing his wonderful compliment.

"Check!" Athrun said smugly, laughing as he saw Lacus's expression. She was furrowing her forehead in concentration, trying to find a way at Athrun's plan to checkmate her.

"Um… this is so hard Athrun! How do you do that anyway?" Lacus asked, still concentrating. "Uh, I give up!"

Athrun laughed. "Now you know why Yzak is angry at me."

"Because you always win?" Lacus asked, smiling again.

"Exactly. I always win at chess."

"No wonder I lost!" Lacus said. "C'mon, let's do other things."

"Like what?' Athrun asked as he fixed the chessboard. Slamming it shut, he followed Lacus to a secluded corner. Lacus had pulled something black and sleek. He gasped in awe as he finally saw what it was. A play station 2!

Turning to Lacus, he asked, "Why didn't you tell me you had one of those?"

Lacus pouted and laughed. "You never asked."

"Well, let's play this." Athrun pulled out a game.

"Tekken 5? Sure!" Lacus smiled.

"Game over. You lose." They TV player boomed, moments later.

"I… lost?" Athrun said, staring into empty space. He glanced at Lacus, who was laughing. Hard. Very very hard.

"You never told me you were good at this game!" Athrun accused jokingly, pointing a finger at Lacus.

"You never asked." Lacus replied as her laughter finally died down- which was of no use when she saw Athrun's blank expression. She laughed again, filling the room with happy laughter.

"Good night. Sweet dreams, Athrun." Lacus smiled as she opened the door to her room. "I had the best day in ages! And I than you for that."

Athrun smiled. "Glad to know that I was at least a little bit of help." He turned around, prepared to go when Lacus cried out.

"Athrun-" Lacus moved forward, preparing to give Athrun a good night kiss. Athrun turned around, and Lacus lips fell unto his lips. (Accidentally.) She was shocked, but gave in to the emotions swirling inside her. Athrun pushed forward, connecting his lips more firmly against her. She got hold of Athrun's hair and Athrun's arms found its way to her waist. They stayed like that for several moments until reason took over. They sprang apart. Excuses and alibis were heard.

"I'm sorry,-shouldn't have done that-"

"I was wrong- I'm sorry-"

"We shouldn't betray our lovers and friends-"

"Cagalli and Kira-"

Lacus blushed suddenly, remembering the kiss. Fighting the urge to blush again, she said, "I should go. Good night Athrun."

Athrun glanced at the closed door. He fought the urge to open the door and kiss her again. Brining his fingers to his lips, he smiled. He walked back into his room and prepared to sleep.

Lacus closed the door to her room and leaned against it. She smiled faintly, brining her fingers to her lips. She was trembling slightly, afraid of the consequences her actions with Athrun will be. She dropped down to the floor and shivered. The night had turned cold again.

'_I shouldn't have done that…'_ Lacus thought. _'I should fulfill my promise! I'm so sorry Athrun, but we can never be together… but I hoped that would have been possible. _

She went to her bed and collapsed, the day's activities exhausting her. Her mouth formed the words 'Athrun.' and more.

Athrun turned in his bed fitfully. Beads of sweat rolled down the side of his face; he was dreaming… a nightmare probably.

_Dream Sequence_

"_Kira? Kira!" Athrun stretched out his hand to a lone figure in the distance. He reached the person's side and panted. He laid a hand on Kira's shoulder (he presumed it was Kira), but suddenly, Kira snapped. "Betrayer."_

"_What? How can you say that? I'm not a betrayer!" Athrun replied, shocked._

"_Betrayer." Cagalli said. She stared at Athrun harshly. "You betrayed me… you betrayed Kira… when I waited for you… after all I've done for you… this is what you repay me?"_

"_I never did anything wrong!" Athrun pleaded._

"_Nothing wrong?" Kira laughed mockingly. Cagalli raised an elegant brow and swept her hand. Blurred images formed, showing Athrun and Lacus together, kissing, hugging, dancing. Athrun gasped in shock. He moved back, back towards where he came from, still facing Kira and Cagalli, whose mouths still form the word, 'Betrayer.'_

_He ran backwards when he bumped into another figure once more. He took glance at the pink hair and sighed in relief. _

"_Lacus! Thank goodness you're alright! Kira said I betrayed them… when I never did!... Lacus, Lacus? Are you even listening to me?" Athrun asked._

"_We betrayed them. Their right. We betrayed them…. And it's all your fault!" Lacus screamed, finally facing him. Her eyes were full of tears, but her ees were narrowed as she faced Athrun._

"_You ruined my chances with Kira! You betrayed them! It's all _

_your fault!"_

"_My fault… my fault!" _

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Athrun sprang up in bed, shouting. He was dreaming. WAS.

'_That was not real… just a nightmare._' Athrun calmed himself down. Wiping his face with his sleeve, he walked, barefoot, into the bathroom.

'_But it will happen if you continue at this rate.' _a mocking voice said in his ear.

'_What's happening! Something is talking in my mind!'_ Athrun said frantically.

"_You fool, I'm your conscience.' _The voice sneered. _'And unless you listen to me, your nightmare might just become a reality.' _

'_I don't want that to happen.'_

'_Not at all.'_

'_What should I do?'_

'_Avoid doing something that could betray Kira and Cagalli.'_

'_And how the hell am I supposed to accomplish that?' _

'_I don't know. Work with it yourself.'_

'_I don't even know why I am talking to this thing.' _Athrun thought. _'Maybe I'm getting crazy.'_

'_You are crazy.'_

'_Oh, shut up, will you?'_

'_Aright already! Geez, killjoy.'_

His 'conscienc'e let him alone. (Finally.)

'_What do I do?'_ Nothing came into his mind.

In frustration at his thinking Athrun threw the glass he got from the bathroom. It exploded into shards as it hit the far wall. Athrun sighed.

"I give up! I'll think about this in the morning…" He said to himself and dejectedly walked to his bed. He glanced at the clock.

1:00 A.M.

'_Time to get back to sleep.'_

Athrun thought as he closed his eyes, finally giving in to the exhaustion he felt.

'_This had been a long and tiring day.'_

* * *

Sorry for a very short chapter!

I told you... I've been very very busy...

But oh well!

Please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N: **I'm sorry for the long update! you see, school will nearly be back so I'm hurrying up with preparing… and I'm working on another fic… and watching Endless Waltz again… '--

Oh well, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED/ Destiny. If I owned them, I wouldn't be making this fic, now, would I?

'Good morning Athrun!" Lacus said, yawning widely as she walked to her place at the table. "Something bothering you?"

Athrun was startled with Lacus's voice but recovered easily. "Morning." He replied, shaking his head.

"Are you sure?" Lacus asked, coming over Athrun and leaning forward slightly.

Athrun shuddered, turning away. He remembered his dream and his 'talk with his conscience' last night.

_Avoid it. Avoid doing anything that would betray them._

Sneered the voice again.

_Shut up!_ Athrun angrily commanded.

"Athrun?" Lacus repeated.

"Huh? I mean, everything's fine Lacus. Perfectly fine."

"If you say so." Lacus shrugged and made her way back to her seat. She beamed, her smile radiant as she greeted the servant warmly as she served the food.

"Good morning Sayuri! Come join us in eating." Lacus said, gesturing.

"No thank you, Miss Lacus." Sayuri stammered.

"Lacus will be fine, Sayuri." Lacus stared, of what she hoped as a stern expression, to Sayuri.

'Miss Lacus is too kind… but I must go now. I have other duties to attend to." Sayuri quickly bowed and made her way back to the kitchen.

Lacus ate heartily, her eyes drifting to Athrun a couple of times. Athrun was barely eating, his food barely touched as he moved it all over his plate, staring at it, his brow furrowed, the way it is when he is thinking. Lacus giggled softly. She made her way to Athrun's side and sat beside him. She got a clean spoon and started filling it with food. Athrun barely noticed.

Lacus spoke, "Athrun."

Athrun turned towards her, opening his mouth-

-and felt food pushed into his mouth. Swallowing quickly, he gasped. "What was the big idea, Lacus?"

Lacus giggled. "It seemed you needed help in eating, I guess. Since I'm very capable in being a nanny, I volunteered myself."

Athrun blushed, and looked at Lacus jokingly, mischief in his eyes; an idea forming in his head.

Lacus saw this and she said warily, "Something in your mind?"

Athrun nodded and without warning, with agile strength, pushed back his chair and leapt at Lacus's side, tickling her. Lacus laughed, opening her mouth wide. A spoonful of food was pushed in her mouth forcefully. Athrun got off her and smirked.

"Just for revenge."

Lacus stared in annoyance, smiling evilly as well. She moved forward and threw herself at Athrun, who, with instinct, caught her before she fell. She used that to her advantage as she straddled him, mischief dancing in her eyes.

"Open wide Athrun."

When Athrun refused to open his mouth, she grunted and leaned forward, preparing to give Athrun a kiss. Out of instinct (again) he opened his mouth—

-never quite preparing and quite shocked to taste food in his mouth again. Lacus laughed and said. "Just for revenge."

Athrun swallowed and pushed the food down his throat. "You want to play a game, Lacus?"

Lacus tossed her head to the side. "I'm up for it."

Athrun got hold of Lacus's arms and rolled to the side, so he was on top of her. Getting a spoonful of rice, he got hold of Lacus's jaw and made her eat. She chewed and nodded in appreciation. "Good."

"I know." Athrun nodded as he took a bit of the food in his mouth. Lacus took the opportunity and rolled again to the side. She pulled the spoon out of Athrun's mouth and stared at his shocked face.

"Let's even the odds now, shall we?" Feeding him with dessert now, she asked. "Good, right? I have to ask Sayuri what dessert is this. Never saw it in my life."

Athrun got hold of her waist and hauled her. He replied, "Yeah, it's nice. Try this one. I think, it's cake?"

Lacus rolled again, took hold of Athrun's arms and pushed him down. "Yeah, cake. It's nice. Try it yourself." She pushed the spoon inside Athrun's mouth. Athrun nodded. "Nice."

"It's fruit cake. You know, the one with wine?" Lacus said, licking her lips.

"Hmm… tastes great!" Athrun said, smiling gleefully.

"Now you look like a little child." Lacus declared. "No more food for you."

Athrun pouted. "Not fair."

Lacus laughed.

"Mistress Lacus…? Oh." The butler had suddenly stepped in the dinig room. "I'm sorry to intrude. I'll be back later."

Lacus pushed herself off Athrun and pulled him up. She blushed. Athrun murmured a quick apology. She waved it off, initial awkward moment gone.

"Let's go. We finished eating anyway. Look at the mess we made!" Lacus said despairingly, pointing to the dining room floor.

Athrun chuckled. "if I remember correctly, it had been you're fault."

Lacus raised an eyebrow. "Oh? As if you did not contribute to the mess we made?"

"You started it." Athrun said, teasing her.

"Hmm... are you implying something Athrun?" Lacus said, hands on her hips, a pout on her face.

"if you put it that way." Athrun said, backing away from Lacus, moving his foot like he was getting ready to run.

"Come back here! You'll pay for saying that I started all of this!"

"That.-pant-… was-pant- fun.-pant" Lacus said, stopping momentarily, getting back his breath.

She had been looking for Athrun everywhere, but she never found him anyway.

_Darn that training to be stealthy._

She paused for a moment. There were the occasional sounds of the clock ticking, but the room was silent; one could amost hear a pin drop.

"Lacus heard a pin drop. Immediately, out of instinct, she turned---

And found herself on the ground. Athrun had tackled her.

"Let me go Athrun!" Lacus squirmed.

Athrun chuckled. "Not until you say you started it!"

"You started it!" Lacus said. "What? You told me to say you started it!"

Athrun paused. "Good point."

Lacus grinned and with alarming speed, twisted her body out of Athrun's grasp." You can't catch me!"

"Yes, I can!" Athrun rushed towards her, holding her against the wall. "You lose."

'I don't lose." Lacus told him. Holding his arms as well, he pushed her face near his.

Leaning towards hear, he whispered. 'You don't lose?"

"I don't." came up Lacus's reply.

Staring still at each other for a moment, they felt something pulling them together—and were just surprised to feel their lips against each other- _forceful, passionate- _as their tongues danced against each other. Pushing her towards the wall, he supported her head and Lacus held her arms around his neck, running her hands through his hair. Lacus moaned softly, Athrun's tongue roaming her mouth.

_Reason and conscience._

_No! This shouldn't be happening! But, I can't resist…_

"We shouldn't be doing this. " Lacus pushed him away.

"Why Lacus?"

"Because we'd be betraying our friends."

"Are you not betraying yourself? I don't care about Cagalli anymore! I don't love her!" Athrun said, grabbing her arms.

"Athrun, please. This is hard for me." Lacus choked out.

"I'm trying to help you Lacus." Athrun whispered. "Just let me."

Lacus turned and slammed her body against Athrun.

"I shouldn't be doing this…. But I love you too much to refuse."

Athrun said. "Forgive me for doing this."

Athrun held her in his arms and kissed her. Lacus gladly kissed him back. Their lips connected, their kisses electrifying, waking Lacus up. She moaned softly, pulling Athrun closer. He pushed her against the wall (again) and gripped her tiny waist tighter.

Athrun pulled back, gasping, as he stopped, as he breathed. Lacus looked shaken, breathless, her lips pinkish as she smiled at him, panting as well.

Athrun smiled and dove in, claiming her lips again. Lacus was all too happy and opened her mouth to let his tongue roam around her mouth, as he pushed his lips against her.

_It was all so wrong… but how could something so wrong… feel so heavenly… feel so right?_

Lacus looked up at Athrun. He was closing his eyes, a smile on his lips.

She smiled through their kiss. Despite losing the right idea of mind, she never felt more complete than having Athrun by her side.

Afternoon found them near the fireplace, enjoying cups of tea. They snaked arms around each other. Athrun watched as Lacus fell asleep, dropping the cup, now empty, as she snuggled into his arms.

Athrun smiled. He touched her hair softly. Giving a chaste kiss on her cheek, he let her fall asleep as he reminisced the times they shared together. This week had been very exciting, albeit long and tiring. Smiling thoughtfully, he remembered his promise the night before.

_Never do anything to betray your lovers. _The voice sneeredagain.

_Oh do shut up!_ Athrun though to himself, snapping inside his head. _I don't care about that anymore! Leave me alone!_

_If your lovers will do something… expect me to say I told you so. _Jibbed the annoying voice in his head.

_Whatever. _

I have Lacus by my side, everything is perfect.

_What can go wrong?"_

Sorry for the short update! I'm bringing Cagalli and Kira in this story. Do forgive me if I take an awfully long time to update. School will start tomorrow.

Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I'm so sorry for updating really really late! I was so busy these months.. Well, on with the fic! (I hope you like this chapter even though it's kinda hurried)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Seed/Destiny. I don't own the title because it belongs to redpilldeath in devianart. (so sorry for not putting it there earlier.)

**Warning: **Don't read if you don't like.

"Athrun! Wake up! Wake up!" screeched a blonde headed girl as soon as she went through the door. Lacus and a brown haired boy came soon, watching the girl get the covers off and jumped up and down on the bed.

"Cagalli can be like a child sometimes." The brown haired boy mused out, sipping his tea.

"I know Kira." Lacus replied, smiling as Cagalli shook Athrun's shoulders furiously.

"Athrun! Wake up! It's eight o clock already!" Cagalli yelled. Athrun slowly opened his eyes and yelled, "Whoa!"

"Yes! You're awake!" Cagalli grinned and pulled him out of his bed. Athrun shook his head wearily, his heart pounding in his ears. "You shocked me, Cagalli." He muttered.

"That should get you awake then." Lacus said, smiling. 'Let's go to the Dining Room, shall we?"

"Alright." Cagalli started to pull Athrun again, but he let go of her. "I'll be right down."

Cagalli nodded and smiled, following Lacus and Kira down the stairs.

Athrun sighed as the water beat down his back. '_What are Cagalli and Kira doing here? Aren't they supposed to be in Orb?'_

Athrun grabbed a bar of soap. '_Things aren't gonna get easier now that their here. In fact, they will just complicate things.'_

He rinsed himself and felt the water chase down the soap away.

'_Last night had been pretty good. After all, it was Lacus whom I spent it with.'_

He turned the faucet and the water stopped. He got out from the shower and got dresses, thinking of Cagalli and Kira's decision of coming here in PLANT.

Sighing wearily, he finished changing into a new outfit and headed downstairs.

"So I said to Kisaka angrily, 'I'm going to leave here for a while' and he panicked a lot…" Cagalli's voice echoed past the hallway as the dining room came to view. Athrun went inside. Cagalli stopped talking and happily stood up and kissed Athrun on the cheek. Athrun smiled at her, and sat down on the chair she patted as he glanced at Lacus, who had turned away when Cagalli kissed him on the cheek. She gave a sad, hopeful smile, which lasted for only a minute, when her beautiful face turned into a mask again, laughing with Kira and Cagalli on her topic of entertainment. Composing himself, he let out a laugh and joined in their conversation, promising himself to talk about it to Lacus as soon as they have time.

"Lacus…" Athrun asked, as soon as they were left alone. Kira and Cagalli had gone out to buy food for dinner. Athrun had requested to stay. Lacus decided to stay as well. Cagalli, a bundle of energy she was, got off dragging Kira who didn't feel the least hyper about the fact that he went off to somewhere he didn't know.

"Lacus…" Athrun tried again. Lacus did not face him, but merely said, "Yes, Athrun?"

"Why did you invite them here?" Athrun said through clenched teeth. _'Just as everything was going so well between us.'_

"You don't want them here?" Lacus finally faced him, raising an elegant brow.

"Not that! I just wanted to ask you why they are here, all of a sudden."

"They surprised me, when I woke up they were already in the living room."

Athrun started to open his mouth, but closed it, seeing nothing to snap at. He saw nothing to bent his anger on.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have some things to attend to."

She stood and brushed against him.

"Maybe, this was always meant to happen. Is this a warning from the gods, Athrun?"

He fell silent, and averted his eyes, refusing to think about it.

She sighed heavily. "Maybe… it is."

"Hey, you two, what have you been doing while were gone?" Cagalli said, pushing the door open, her hands full of packages. Kira came wobbling soon, with a mountain of packages in his arms.

"Dammit, Cagalli, do you have to buy so much stuff?" Kira said wearily, dropping them as soon as he went through the door.

Lacus and Athrun stood up, startled, from whatever they had been doing. Kira noticed that Athrun refused to look at him or Cagalli for long, and he wondered what was wrong. Perhaps they came at a bad time? What was happening to the both of them that made them so tense, obvious from the squaring of Athrun's shoulders and Lacus's too cheery smile. He had known them both for long, and it was so easy to determine their emotions from their actions. But what had gotten them so uptight? Perhaps…

"Kira!" Cagalli yelled from the kitchen doorway. Kira blinked, and glanced at her.

"What?"

"Hurry up with the rest of the food… I'm starving!"

"Alright, alright already. Stop fussing like you're my mother, will you?"

Kira brought the packages to the kitchen as Cagalli had requested, but promised to look deeper on Athrun and Lacus's situation.

'I'll find out what's wrong.' He vowed.

Sunset. It was beautiful; the skies were in tones of blue, orange, violet and pink. The sun's radiant glow hovered the sky for a minute like a bright ball of smoldering flames, then slowly descending from its reign in the atmosphere to its rest behind the mountains.

Athrun sat on the ledge, pondering his current situation. It was hard enough to talk to Lacus without Kira and Cagalli interrupting, it was even worse now because Lacus herself was distancing from him, and his heart clenched at the thought. She was doing it for their own good, to make sure that Kira and Cagalli don't get hurt or let their friendship be at stake, but even with this knowledge… why did it hurt so much?

The pain was almost physical, hurting so much that he was unable to breathe. He felt tears sting in his eyes, tears that he was certain he had let go of, and wondered, that perhaps, this was better…

Kira watched Athrun from his own bedroom windows, wondering what was wrong. He vividly remembered Athrun's habits; Athrun had told him once, when they were little, that when he had problems, he always watched the sunset, feeling the warm breeze on his skin, and it was in the sunset where he always found the answers.

Kira sighed, rubbing his temples. For all his intelligence he was unable to find out what was plaguing Athrun so much and it hurt him to see Athrun suffering. He wanted to tell Cagalli, but his sister was always so impulsive, she might make things worse.

There was a knock on his door. Slowly he padded over there, sensing the silence in his own room, in this house where before it was constantly filled with laughter and smiles. It was Lacus.

"Kira? Dinner's ready." She said, smiling slightly. Kira noticed, with dismay, that there were dark circles under her eyes, and idly, he wondered if their decision to visit Lacus and Athrun was bad for her.

He was about to ask her of this, to reassure himself that Lacus was only feeling tired, Lacus had brushed him off, saying, "I'll go and tell Athrun too. Please, go on ahead, Kira."

She brushed past him, going to the next room. Determined to talk to Lacus when it was possible, he did as he was suggested, but making sure that he could be able to talk to Lacus later.

" Athrun?" Lacus knocked hesitantly.

She was seemingly ignored. Wondering what was wrong she tried to open the door and found it opened easily. Athrun was not in his room. Getting slightly worried, she wondered where he was, and to her eternal relief and dread found him sitting on the window ledge of his room's balcony.

She reasserted her thoughts. Why was she dreading him now? She wasn't so sure, but it might have to do with what she was feeling, with the nervousness with Kira and Cagalli in their house.

She sighed, feeling annoyed with herself. She was a capable of facing her own problems and chose instead to run away… she wondered where the courage to face the war head on had gone, and why it left her, broken and afraid.

"Athrun?" she walked over to him. She knew he had heard her, exceptionally good was his hearing, but all the same, he seemed to ignore her.

"Lacus." He said softly, not looking at her. "Why?"

Lacus cringed mentally. It was a simple question, so simple. But there was no answer now, no answer because she had no idea what to say. But she wanted to hold him in her arms, soften the lines that furrowed his forehead, silence the questions with her kiss. But she couldn't do that. Not know. Maybe… not ever.

But-

"Athrun." She said, just as softly, voice almost pleading. "I can't.

He whirled his head so rapidly toward her that he felt a muscle twitch in his neck. He drew down from where he sat.

"WHY?" He cried out, saying it louder, wanting to frighten her, to force her into saying the reasons why she, he, why everyone was doing this.

Lacus pulled him into her arms, burrowing her head into his chest. "Athrun…please. Don't do this to me."

_**I can't say no… but I can't lose you either.**_

Slowly, Athrun's arms went around her, enclosing her in warmth as he lowered his head to rest on top of hers.

_**Where does this take us?**_

After a few minutes of staying in place, she looked up, tears swimming in her beautiful eyes. Athrun brushed them off with feathery light kisses.

_**It doesn't matter, as long you're with me.**_

Athrun pressed his lips to hers. She looked up even more, meeting him in a desperate, passionate kiss. Her tears had stopped, and Athrun had stopped asking too. It was hard, but maybe, things will get better.

_**Let destiny take us where she wants. As long as you're by my side. Nothing else matters.**_

Unknown to them, a figure wheeled away.

_**Even if I might not say it, I love you and will always be loving you.**_

_**I'll love no else but you.**_

So…what do you think? Read and review please. Thank you!


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